Almost every family we work with has the same shape: one adult child nearby doing most of the work, and one or more further away who are worried, guilty and occasionally critical. The conversation between them is often harder than the care itself.
Have it once, with facts
Write down what a week actually involves: the visits, the appointments, the phone calls, the hours. Most distant siblings genuinely do not know. Put the costs next to it, including what public funding covers and what it does not.
Divide by ability, not geography
The sibling in Calgary can manage the money, the paperwork, the benefit applications and the pharmacy phone calls. That is real work and it takes hours off the person on the ground.
Use the assessment
A home visit from a care manager, ours or Alberta’s, gives everyone the same picture from a neutral person. Arguments about whether Mum is really that bad tend to end when someone who is not family has written it down.
Decide who decides
Agree on who has the final say on day-to-day matters. It is usually the person who is there. Agree it in a good week, not a crisis.
